I have that one friend who is within my close friend circle. We don’t really change messages every now and then but we still keep in touch. We have a catch-up session once in a while to share life’s update and talk about our similar hobbies, which is ink—paper—pens alike.

Somewhere in December last year (2024), we met up during lunchtime to close the year. We talked many things but this one stood the most.

When the burden is way to heavy...

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

When I shared about my life challenges at a that time which was about my family dynamic, he asked me this excruciatingly blatant question. ‘I have a feeling that whatever it is that you do, you do it to fulfill other’s people expectation in you. Like your parents.’

Hearing his words, tears started to appear before my eyes. My shoulders felt heavy. I didn’t really remember the rest of the conversation after those… but that sentence still etch freshly on my mind.

I might not realize it back then immediately, but before I embarked on my solo trip to Japan in early 2025, I have an honest talk with myself and with the guidance from Divine Grace, I have discovered the answer.

What my friend said at that time is the truth. It served as a guidance for me to have the courage to put down the heavy burden all this time and choose freedom instead. It’s a difficult time for me, but one thing that I definitely will choose over rather than staying in a painful situation. I’d rather face my challenges face on rather than letting it fester inside and eating me alive.

My findings are: I have been living my whole life trying to be ‘the good girl’ so that my parents have peace when it comes to me. I grew up becoming independent and ‘able’. It is a double edge sword.

Since I am able, it started to feel like I need to be the backbone of the family in terms of emotional and psychological wellbeing. Before I knew it, I took more responsibility and do more beyond my capacity. It causes both of my hands a severe Rheumatoid Arthritis.

“If you find any pains in any part of your body, it means something is not right within and it has manifested in the body in order to communicate with you. Modern people seems to be disconnected with our own body and that’s why more often than not, we discover things with our body ONLY when it’s too late.”

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) is an autoimmune disease. And to put it simply, your body attacks yourself. Being in that circumstances for so long, I don’t even know whether my family IS my family, not receiving love and care from my own family is causing my body to have severe inflammation and it showed in both of my hands. I am handling too much responsibility which is beyond my capacity.

Especially to both of my parents. They’ve done their best despite of the circumstances. I choose liberation over being shackled by those responsibilities. I have let go all of the responsibilities that are not mine to take. This time, I choose me. Not because I am selfish. On the contrary actually, because I love myself, I respect myself and I want to offer my best self to others, to show up being my best self.

I think this is one of the misconception that many people have. That we should sacrifice ourselves for the benefit of others. This is incorrect and unrealistic.

Just like, we wear our oxygen mask before assisting others. ALWAYS help yourself first and if we CAN then we help and assist others. Otherwise, both parties will drown together.

I am on the process of letting go all the unnecessary burden too. The things with family can’t be done just once. It takes patience, communication and time.

Within, I choose to live my life authentically. Without, the other world follow suits. Before I knew it, I live my life for me. And I strive to keep it that way for very long time.

I choose forgiveness and letting go.

Wake up call from Within. 31 July 2025.

Discover More Stories →

Gently Awaken

Did this story resonate with you? I would love to hear your thoughts, your stories, or any questions it might have inspired. I would be delighted to hear your contemplations and honored to feature stories and responses in this space.

Letters From You

Share Your Story →