The Testament of Our Strength To love and to be loved is a sign of our strength
This is a personal story on cultivating strength through vulnerability, setting loving boundaries and finding the courage to build more authentic connections.
AWAKEN TO SELF
awaken to SELF
The Testament of Our Strength: to love and to be loved is a sign of our strength.
Healthy Boundaries
Authentic Connection
I thought it was exclusive only to the Chinese culture, affection and care are not being showed clearly, even within the close family members. Reaching the age that I am right now, I realized that it is NOT the case. Despite of how a certain culture being presented to the society, sometimes the reality speaks otherwise.
It has always boggled my mind how many of the Chinese family show little respect, care and tolerance to their loved ones. They prefer to show their ‘love’ by speaking in brute force and much defensiveness. Resulting in most of the simplest of what-should-be-a-relaxed conversation quickly turned sour and creating misunderstanding. Is this normal?
Photo by Douglas Lopez on Unsplash
In all honesty, there is no ‘normal’ in the first place. What is being considered ‘normal’ in one society could mean otherwise in others. What ‘normal’ could mean is something that has been accepted by the general public because most of the people decided that ‘that is so’.
Coming back to the family dynamics… what I do know is this: to love someone and to be able to receive love from someone is a form of strength. It is not a sign of weakness. ESPECIALLY, when it comes to our immediate family.
You will be shocked of how rare it is to actually see a loving family within the Chinese culture, where brothers and sisters are truly supporting one another is a healthy dynamics.
I was once caught up in the misconceptions of ‘serving’ my family. I thought lowering the need of self and go with the majority vote will earn their respect and care, oh boy how I was so wrong.
NOW, I know by heart, it is not the way. Respect, care and love go both ways. It takes two to tango. If you are the only one who is giving your one-hundred percent without clear and open communication, the other parties will never understand. They thought, it is their right to have us serving them. In the end, we only do more harm to them. Like I did.
In pursuit of understanding one's strength. 01 August 2025.
The overly romanticized life.
Based on my observation around Chinese families, it seemed that to receive help from other means weakness. And, we should not have received the help in the first place, let alone showing the sign of weakness.
It was somewhat commendable when we pull through the challenges after facing some bruising and fatal blow. The over romanticized of life struggles. In the end, challenges in life became the salts that’s not only turned life to sour, it created and fortified the wall of personal barrier. The results are, people who have been facing hardness in life distance themselves from others and choose a lonely life.
Many have preferred to adopt this lifestyle. Rather than clearing the issues from the root cause, trying to change and improve, they choose the ‘easy’ way out. They push away people in order to protect the self.
I understand how scary it is for some people to open their hearts and allow worthy people in. But contrary to what the majority of people think, by being open to oneself, we hide nothing and we stand our ground firmly. That’s the real meaning of living authentically.
Some people will accept us for who we are, and some people will not. That should be OK. We can’t have everything that is totally one-hundred percent, perfect. At least, have the roughly eighty percent is more than good enough.
Meaningful relationships in life happens when people came into our life, resulting in life dynamics. There will be beneficial and non-beneficial lessons coloured our lives. But the most important lesson is… the real colour of our essence, our Higher Self, our Divine Core within, it will always be the same. Which is PURE and UNTAINTED.
My way to get closer to my family.
I took the first step to respect, care and express my love my family members by hugging them in the morning (though my mother seemed not accustomed to it yet), or whenever I feel like it.
It is not something that I wished to coerce them, but something that I wish to introduce slowly. I might be ready to transform my relationships with other, but it doesn’t mean they are ready to do so. This is a form of respect and care of their personal boundaries.
I still definitely have a long way to go, but I believe, for now, this is the best that I can do. And that should be good enough.
Did this story resonate with you? I would love to hear your thoughts, your stories, or any questions it might have inspired. I would be delighted to hear your contemplations and honored to feature stories and responses in this space.